Tuesday 30 May 2006 – Scans

The hospital has changed somewhat in the 2 years since I was last there for a check-up.
I was more than surprised to discover that ‘ticket’ machines similar to those found on meat counter at supermarkets in use in order to be seen at the reception desk!

I had not noticed them on my way in and proceeded straight to an available receptionist on the desk.

She informed me I needed to get a ticket in order to be seen: my ticket turned out to be Number 8; two minutes later I was back at the desk having had my number called in the same recorded voice you can experience at the Post Office “Ticket number 8 Please”

Unfortunately the machine could not tell me that I could have gone straight to the X-Ray department, despite being where I was supposed to be according to the appointment letter I had received: I had to wait to see the same receptionist, who had turned me away upon arrival, to do that.

After that human contact got much better in the X-Ray departments at both hospitals I visited for the CT scan and the full-body Bone scan. The day went off without a hitch but I was so glad I took a book along with me as it took 3 hours or more for the radioactive injection to work its way through my system prior to the bone scan.

Monday 29 May 2006 – Bank Holiday Blues

Tomorrow I am back at the hospital where I was treated for cancer 14 years ago. It has not been that long since I was there last, I was still under ‘surveillance’ up until 2 years ago. I naturally have mixed feelings about tomorrow, just like I had every time I was due a check-up, it was good to know I was still being looked after yet at the same time it was always a worrying time not knowing if anything would be found or not.

I am not expecting any results tomorrow but I still feel apprehensive about going for the scans.

I have been a little short tempered at times today, that much I do know: all emails have dried up this weekend from friends as the Bank Holiday break has taken precedence: we have not been too far or seen much of anyone this weekend after last weeks visiting mania.

Some nicer weather over the next couple of weeks would not go amiss.

Thursday 25 May 2006 – Doctor's note

Before leaving for my doctor’s appointment to discuss a further sick-note for a couple more weeks off work I received three letters in the post with appointments for scans from the Royal Orthopaedic Hospital. Two of them confirmed the scans I had discussed on the phone the other gave an actual date, 13 June, for my MRI scan and out-patients appointment.
Things are really moving on again.

It was quite funny seeing one of the many names attached to the header of the letters because it belongs to one of the original nurses who was on my ward when I was in hospital 14 years ago. She now has more letters after her name than I have had hot dinners in the intervening years. [Perhaps I should say daily portions of fruit and veg – remember to eat properly to stave off illnesses such as this – I have always been a relatively crap eater but have got better over recent years].

Anyway, back to the visit to my Doctor. He was talking to me about my situation as I walked into his surgery even before my bum hit the seat. Because the cancer I originally had was unusually placed and not much heard of, and because of its insistence to come back again, he, like others, have began to take more of an interest in my case. I apparently will be discussed at a national level, not me personally, but the cancer and its reoccurrence in order to assess and compare with other cancer centres and specialists.

In view of my situation and the fact that he believes this latest round of tests is to ‘stage’ the cancer he has given me another four weeks off work, and if I need it thereafter depending on treatment [i.e. chemotherapy] an open book for as many months as I require to recoup: all I need to do is phone the surgery and I can have it.
It looks serious all of a sudden again, but I will not worry about that until we get the definitive results in June.

Staging – I have read numerous internet sites and even spoken to nurses and doctors but I still do not fully understand where I currently stand: given that I had bone cancer that has now been evident in the lungs I should be at stage 3 [not the place one would want to be], but because it has been removed and no more traces as yet have been found I could be at stage1.

Tuesday 23 May 2006 - Appointments

I followed up Friday’s call to the hospital and then I received a return call sometime later in the afternoon.

I now have a definite date for two of the required scans [CT scan and bone scan], both in Birmingham next Tuesday but at different hospitals.

The remaining scan, an MRI, will take place in early June along with a clinic appointment at which time all results should be in.

At that point I am hoping to hear that there are no more signs of Cancer and that further treatment will not be necessary.

To be honest, and not everyone is affected the same by Chemotherapy, but from previous experience I would rather have an operation on my other lung than have to have Chemo again, but if that’s what it takes then that is what has to be done.
Keeping fingers crossed on all accounts.

On a less serious note, I was taken out to twice today, on both occasions by people from work – it was good to have a pint or two as well as eating out.

Fri 19 & Sat 20 May 2006 – Two days good, two bad

The last couple of days have been followed by two days whereby I feel as though I have been stabbed through the chest from the front to the back.

Feeling fed up with all the waiting around for the hospital to contact me I decided to ring the specialist hospital to see if an appointment had been made for me to attend for the necessary Scans.

It was just as well I phoned: I had apparently been mislaid somewhere between the Oncology department and the department dealing with the Scans: I will not be seen within the two weeks as promised by the consultant who contacted me a week and a half ago.
I shall call them again on Monday and then again on Tuesday and again on…

I have also been given my second guardian Angel in the form of another glass figurine, albeit a much larger one this time, even though I am in no way religious it makes me realise…

…and at this point I am stumped!

I know it makes them realise how serious this illness is, but then again most people will have come across Cancer in one form or another in their own lives…

It may help them deal with it the situation better…

I believe the intention is to try and help me feel better about things and that I am being thought of…

My only wish is that proceeds from such gestures go towards helping others by donating a part, if not all, of the sale price to Cancer research.

And to those who have sent cards, cakes, good wishes, glass guardian angels and called around to say hi or take me for a drink a big THANK YOU.

May their Gods be with them?

[Received more cakes and goodies from a dear friend from work – also supplier of the first angel]

Thursday 18 May 2006 – Visit

Today I drove myself to work to visit friends and colleagues, the drive in was not too bad but all the talking to folk and catching up took my breath away and damn near wore me out.
Apart from that, I am taking fewer tablets now and getting around quite well, including picking up our daughter. If I am not careful I will be set on to do housework and cooking again at this rate!

Tuesday 16 May 2006 – Crowning Glory

I am not looking for medals or a big pat on the back but sometimes I don’t think people understand how something as insignificant as rolling a weighted ball across a hump backed square of well mowed lawn really is. I am of course talking about playing a game of crown green bowls.

Today I took the advice of my Physio and got out onto the green for a practice game of bowls. I played two and won both! Bare in mind here that it was only seven weeks ago that I had major surgery, and face the return of Cancer, and here I am playing a game I love, outdoors in the fresh air and winning. [21-14 and 21-12]

I could’ve taken to the bottle and drowned my sorrows several weeks back had I a mind to, but no I played bowls, not a miracle, not even a very big feat in comparison to what others have had to overcome and then endure as part of a fight back, but no matter how small this may appear to others it made me feel good and whole again: even though I had to take several rests during the game.

I need to get better quickly if I have to face more treatment, if I don’t I have to get good at bowls to be the best I can.

Monday 15 May 2006 - Physiotherapist

Today was really good as my progress was all too apparent, given the improvement between visits to the physiotherapist.
I was on the treadmill and rowing machine as well as rolling a small medicine ball down the length of the sports hall. Good news for bowling – I can practice on the green again and could be back playing again very soon.

I should be alright to start driving the car again this week – welcome back independence.

It makes all the difference having these benchmarks for comparison, I felt so good I walked into town from the hospital and felt fantastic afterwards.

Yummy-ness

Ordinarily I would not advertise on here but today I signed for a parcel as it was delivered to the door. I thought I may have won a prize on one of the numerous competitions I have entered via the net whilst being off work.

What a wonderful surprise when I opened the parcel to find 12 of the most wonderful muffins from a very dear friend of mine whose sister I was in hospital with 14 years ago.
Unfortunately the sister did not survive the illness.
I am still in contact with her family and the Muffins through the post for me and my family did indeed bring us a little ‘yummy-ness!’

Thank you for your kindness dear friend x

Tuesday 9 May 2006 - Undecided

This evening I had an unexpected phone call from the Hospital in Birmingham. Before any decision is made as to whether or not I require further treatment I will need to go for more scans, a bone scan, related to my arm, and a CT scan of the chest: “dotting the ‘i’s and crossing the ‘t’s” as the doctor said. [I did not catch the name of the doctor as I took the call on my mobile phone and I was not at home: he sounded African]

I may have to go to the specialist hospital in Birmingham for a short stay to have the scans done there: an alternative would be to have to scans done locally and then go to clinic in Birmingham. I have requested for whichever route turns the results around the quickest.

Thursday 4 May 2006 – May the Fourth be with you

After a couple of painful days and restless nights, yesterday I rested and spent most of the time on the bed. Today I feel much better and realise that the pain was only exacerbated by my reluctance to relax and take it easier as such an operation demanded. To celebrate my well being I got the Dyson out and cleaned the bedroom: sometime my head is a vacuum, the pain returned so I took the tablets and rested.

I received an appointment for an examination of my Chest for 24 July from the Surgeon, who will check my post-operative progress.

Tuesday 2 May 2006 - Low

The doctor warned us that I may begin to feel quite low a while after the operation and I guess I am just coming into that period, even though at the time he said it I did not believe him, and if I did I did not believe I would be affected by it, but I am.

Also, I think those around me, especially my partner are finding the whole experience of coping with the illness and the aftermath of the operation very hard indeed. She would appear to be holding herself at a distance to me which is hard to bear at times.

Even though I am good at opening up communications and can express my feelings well I am not too sure that others can or feel comfortable doing so with me and their inability to return communication may not be entirely their own fault as I do have a way of ‘rubbing’ folk up the wrong way at the best of times, albeit not maliciously.

It has also been a bad day from a well being viewpoint, as I have a tightening across my chest that feels as though someone is screwing a giant clamp into my front and back. I believe this to be the scar tissue healing as it pulls across the wound.

In addition to this our 1 year old is suffering the after effects of her MMR vaccination, bless her.

I may call the hospital tomorrow to discuss the feelings in my chest and possible support or a chat with someone from the hospital to help my partner deal with the now. I have warned her things will get much worse if I need chemotherapy.

I have seen very little in the way of visitors and emails seem to be drying up, I guess folks are just getting on with their own lives again as the novelty of my illness wears off.

It will thankfully wear off for us again like it did 14 years ago for me.